YOU ARE A CAT
Lay down on your bed. Curl into a ball. Close your eyes. You’re warm and comfortable. If it’s not warm, pull a blanket over yourself. Take a deep breath. Think of sleep. Breathe. Food. Breathe. Think of the warm sun. Breathe. Fresh air. Breathe. SLAP THE BED AS HARD AS YOU CAN! Pretend someone is telling you, “Bad cat. No bed.” The indignity. (Better yet, have someone be the human, while you are a cat.) Move to the floor. How do you feel? Take notes.
Curl into a ball on the floor. You’re warm and comfortable. If not, tough. Deal with it. You’re not allowed on the bed. Take a deep breath. Think of sleep. Breathe. Food. Breathe. Think of the warm sun. Breathe. Fresh air. Breathe. How do you feel? Take notes.
Get up and move to the living room. Lay in a sunny spot on the floor. If you don’t have a living room, find any sunny spot indoors. If there’s no sun, turn up the heater and pretend it’s the sun. Better yet, if you have a heat lamp in your bathroom, turn it on and lay under it. Stretch your body out as far as you can. Spread your fingers and toes as far as you can. Reach! Now, relax. How do you feel? Take notes.
Get onto your knees. Do not stand up. Crawl to the nearest upholstered piece of furniture. If you have cats, crawl to their scratching post. Scratch at the furniture or post with one hand at a time. Reach up as high as you can and grab it with both hands. Really dig in your finger nails in. Use it to stretch. Arch your back, pushing your belly button towards the floor. Push! Do this for two or three seconds. Lay down and relax your whole body. How do you feel? Take notes.
Crawl and get a cat toy. Don’t stand up. If there are no cat toys, use a small object that you won’t accidently swallow. If you need to get something off a counter, pull yourself up and grab it. Keep your knees and feet on the floor. If it’s in a cupboard, crawl onto the counter. You are a cat.
Sitting on your knees, put the toy in front of you. Bat it around. Use your left hand. Use your right. Bat it across the floor, from one hand to the other. Lean down and pick it up with your mouth. Bite down hard. Shake it. Shake it left and right. Shake it like your life depends on it. Try to toss it into the air and catch it again. Drop it in front of you. How do you feel? Take notes.
Crawl into another room, then another. Look at the world around you. Crawl into a third room. Keep looking. Observing. The humans come and go, but you are constant. How does that make you feel? Take notes